I’ve been fat before.
And I’ve lost weight before. And I’ve got to do it again.
Thankfully, I’ve got motivation now. As Heather wrote recently, we’re having a weight-loss contest at work, and we both entered.
This is not the first time they’ve done it, but it’s the first time I’ve entered. I’ve always had some excuse, or was going to try to do it on my own, or didn’t really need to as much, or was low enough that I couldn’t win, or something.
But now, I need the motivation and discipline and accountability, both from the contest and from Heather working with me, that I signed up.
It’s based on percentage of loss, which means that as one of the heaviest people in the contest, I would have to lose a lot — more than 40 pounds by June — to have a shot at it. But I’ve lost that amount in that period before at least once before, so it’s not impossible.
About eight years ago, I was at my all-time high weight. I started the Atkins diet, and eventually lost 78 pounds. Less than four years ago, I had gained about 30-40 back, so I got more disciplined and began exercising, and lost back to my low again.
I can pinpoint the weekend that the latest enfattening began — the last weekend in May 2009. I was still pretty close to my low then, and managing well. And my friends Lain and Richie came into town, and we ate too much, as we’re wont to do. Normally, I would just make the effort to take it back off after they left, but that weekend, my on-again-off-again of the time chose to be on again, and I was a little less disciplined as a result.
And from there, it was downhill. Or uphill, or something. Slowly at first, but increasingly more rapidly. Since that weekend, I’ve gained about 50-60 pounds, putting me back within 10 pounds of my all-time high of eight years ago. Even worse, about 30 of those were gained since last summer.
And there are plenty of challenges. Eating with Heather and the boys requires willpower I haven’t exercised. When we’re done eating, there are three other plates with tasty food left over. I’ve never had to deal with that before. And this book is killing me, literally. Losing sleep, snacking, quick meals, not making time to exercise, etc. are all not helping. I’ll be glad when it’s done.
The really frustrating thing is, while I’ve been heavier than this before, I’ve never gained this much this quickly before, so I’ve never felt it the way I do now. Eight years ago, I didn’t have the perspective of being in better shape, so I didn’t know what I was missing out on. Now, I’m very aware of the added weight, and I’m very aware of the effects it has, and I’m very aware of the things I could do a year ago that I can’t do now. And, to be blunt, it sucks.
We’ve been doing the contest for a week and a half now. When I weighed Monday, it was the lowest I’d been since November. So that’s something.
So I just have to endure. Be disciplined. Have will power. Do the things I’ve done before. I know they work, I just need to do them. I HAVE to.
So far, this contest is working. I’d like to win. We’ll see. The only thing I care about is this — however the contest turns out —
I’m going to lose.