Sex! Sex! Sex!

This is the latest in my series of blog entries taking a fresh look at a variety of topics over the next year. I’ve set up a page on the blog explaining the project and linking to my entries. This post’s topic is “Sex.”

“I fear sometimes we Christians publish 10 books on how bad lust can be for every 1 book on how good sex can be.” — Jon Acuff

OK, really? What am I supposed to say about this week’s topic? How much am I really comfortable putting out there? Better question, how much are you really comfortable with me putting out there?

I’ve known this topic was coming for a while, and have been mulling it the whole time. In fact, I’m even a week late posting it, though not so much for that reason as just lack of blogging time.

And the biggest thing I’ve realized I have to say is that I really don’t know what I have to say.

I like to think I live life pretty transparently. I’m pretty open with my story, my feelings, my opinions, etc. I’ve written many things on this blog that I would have felt in the past like I couldn’t say to the world in general. But at some point in time, I decided I was just going to be me. Take it or leave it. I don’t care what you think about my story, my feelings, my opinions. They are what they are, and they’re mine.

But in this area? All of that falls by the wayside. And I don’t really understand why.

I was married for seven and a half years. So, you know, I would imagine that most people would assume that I have, in fact, had sex. But even typing that is embarrassing. Posting on here anything beyond that — something I like, something I did, etc.? Yeah, seems way too much. Even just general “without getting into my experience, these are my thoughts on the subject” is hard. Is that because I’m not comfortable sharing that? Is it because I don’t think readers would be comfortable with me sharing that? Is it because there are privacy issues beyond my own to consider? Is it because my mom knows this blog exists? (Again, you know, I would imagine my mom probably assumes that I’ve had sex, so it’s not like it’s some big secret.) Is it because I feel like there’s some sort of societal norm that I need to adhere to? Is it because “Stories …” is not that type of blog?

The sad thing is, I’ve been giving this some thought, and I really don’t know. I even had a pretty decent post for this topic, just general ideas, but realized that I don’t think I’m ready to publish it yet.

Not until I know why I’m not.

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