Lost Possibilities

And, with that, Lost is done.

I’ll probably have a post about the finale or the series or the five years I spent watching it or something before too terribly long; I’ll wait a little while to let people watch it and to process my thoughts.

But, this finale-spoiler-free post is not that. This is my polite request for what I would like to see next.

Oh, sure, the series is over. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have more Lost goodness. In fact, I would argue that rarely has a series done a better job of opening up literally new universes of possibility than Lost has.

These, then, are the Lost spin-offs I would most want to see.

They Call Me Doctor Linus — By day, Benjamin Linus is the world’s most dedicated high school teacher. By night, he’s trying to navigate his way through this crazy thing called love. But who really cares, when he’s also teaches the world’s creepiest high school classes. Dramatic pauses cause basic American history to be goosebump-inducing. “They say that the Civil War pitted … brother against brother.” Every student’s question is answered with another foreboding question. “What were the causes of the Vietnam War, Dr. Linus?” “What makes you think … the Vietnam War didn’t cause itself?” Ben is joined in his school adventures by permanent substitute John Locke, who still teaches school from his wheelchair — until there’s dancing or butt-kicking to be done.

LAPD: Lost Souls — Miles and Sawyer aren’t just detectives, they’re two buddy cops who … well, really, are pretty much like any other buddy cops. But, heck, it’s Miles and Sawyer. That’s gotta be worth something. Miles respects that there’s no crime that Sawyer can’t nickname or sleep his way to solving, but can he help his friend overcome his obsessive secret before it destroys them both?

Stab And Kick — OK, this one wasn’t really a spin-off idea, per se. But in the season premiere, when Ben and Locke pulled the ol’ stab-and-kick to take out Jacob, I kind of liked the idea of that being how they resolved the rest of the series — season six would be devoted to the duo tracking down the remaining characters, stabbing them, and then kicking them into fires. But why stop there? What show wouldn’t be made better by a little Ben-and-Locke-stab-and-kick? An actor on another series wants out of his contract? Ben and Locke show up, and resolve his storyline neatly. They could wrap up other series’ finales conclusively. And, hey, what Conan fan wouldn’t want to see a little Ben-and-Locke-stab-and-kick on the Tonight Show, for example? Or imagine the ending of 60 Minutes — “You know what really bugs me about popular televisi… Ow! Ow! No!”

The Mafia Of Love — With Desmond’s awesome suit, the kidnapping, the money, their elaborate plans, their willingness to do whatever it takes, LA-verse Desmond and Hurley are kind of like the mafia, but the most awesome mafia ever — a mafia of good. By original idea was to turn the basic “Stab And Kick” concept over to them instead of Ben and Locke, with them having a series where they basically keep doing what they were doing in the last few episodes of this season. The crossover-with-other-shows idea had possibilities, too; they could go help characters on other shows learn important lessons — by any means necessary. But then I realized — this one is just begging to be a reality show. People write in about problems they’re having, and then Desmond and Hurley show up in character to help them solve it, whether that means kidnapping them and taking them to a concert, or beating the crap out of them in a school parking lot. You never know what they’re going to do next; you just know, whatever it is, it’s gonna be awesome!!

So, what Lost spin-offs do you want to see?


Heather wanted me to include, from our post-finale discussions, the spin-off that I wouldn’t watch:

Island Rose — Rose and Bernard hang out on the island. Not getting involved. With their dog Vincent. Normal things happen. No one guest stars. Largely unnotable, except for the Emmy awarded to Bernard’s Beard of Awesomeness.